Month: April 2020


I already know how it ends, but I will go ahead and do the dance anyway.

Inside each of us, there are two of us. The monkey and the gorilla. The monkey wants to live in the moment, reap the rewards of the gorilla’s hardwork and have a lazy time, the gorilla wants to work towards ensuring the monkey is never uncomfortable. The gorilla is serious, guilty, always guilty, and I don’t understand this at all. I mean, the monkey doesn’t understand it at all. The monkey feels the gorilla has done enough, and even if it hasn’t, even if it just lucked into what seems like an easy ride, what’s the big fucking deal and wonders why I can’t calm down and take it easy for a bit. I mean, the gorilla should calm down.

Sometimes they do both hang out in the same room, and they are actually great friends, contrary to what their diverging personalities would have you believe. Sometimes they talk about stuff when they get a breather from either prancing about or getting shit done.

One such night, they were staring at the skies (they both love astronomy- the monkey loves it because it makes him feel tiny and the gorilla because sometimes you have to ponder about the big picture) when they both said the same thing at the same time. It was quite the moment, for their brains rarely worked together. They didn’t really say anything, but they answered a question that is a really important question to answer. It is so important to answer that the question is inherently meaningless. For some, that is enough of an explanation. For others, it seems like a cop out.

Enough with the apeshit monkey business though. We all can be adults here for a minute. There is no monkey, there is no gorilla. There is only me. I can’t even be sure there is a you. But let’s assume there is a you, for which you are the me and I am the you. So if that is what is going on, then it is all a joke, a simulation, an exhibition, a calculation, an experiment. Would that make us feel better? Is being a depressed sack of chemicals entangled together into a loosely structured mess not enough?

Surely it can’t be this, going in endless loops of guilt and happiness till the air runs out? It can’t be mindless hedonism either, right? It cannot be a repressed cacophony of voices inside your head telling you to do things the right way either, we can rule that one out for sure.

(I have to tell the reader that I am writing this hungry, because that may affect what I believe.)

Anyway, the monkey and the ape were staring at the stars when suddenly the stars disappeared behind some clouds that brought along some heavy rains. Now you may think that would prevent them from seeing what they were looking at. Instead, it made everything clear for one moment when they said the same thing at the same time. They said Jeopardy.

The title of this post is: What is the title of this post?